I’m starting this blog about optimism in the 21st Century because I truly
believe that our thoughts can manifest in many ways, including physical form.
Uncontrolled anger and fear can manifest in negative ways such as terrorism,
violence, disease, and brutality. Conversely, Love, empathy, compassion, and
understanding (with optimism) can bring a brighter world for us all. With each
experience in our lives we make a choice: “Will I let this make me better or
bitter as a person?” Having experience with enough difficult situations in my
own life, I know that eventually, something positive can result from difficult
situations if we resolve to stay positive and optimistic, in other words, to
become “better” and not become “bitter” as a result. You may say,”Easier said
than done.” I agree that it’s difficult to stay positive in tense, trying
moments – but it is always possible. In the words of the Dalai Lama, “Be
kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” Whenever I come to the
crossroads of a decision, especially those involving a person who may not be
very sympathetic towards me, I always try to remember this quote. I always see
the smiling face of the Dalai Lama in my mind’s eye when these words go through
my head. His face, the unconditional Love in his eyes, soften my heart every
time, and help me to choose the wiser, kinder decision whenever possible. (Check
out my website, tomandkathleen.com, “Kathleen’s Quotes” page, to see this quote
and a picture of the Dalai Lama.) I know if I keep my resolve to become better,
instead of bitter, as a result of rising above the difficulties, I will become a
better person.
There are a few things that I know for sure. One of them
is whatever I teach, I truly learn. Ask any teacher, and they will tell you that
if you want to learn something well, you must teach it to others. When I
attended school at UNAM in Mexico City, I met a fellow student in one of my
conversation classes who was working on his Master’s degree in Spanish. He was
fluent in Spanish. What intrigued me most about him is HOW he first learned the
language. He had never mastered a language before tackling Spanish. His
commanding officer in the military told him he was going to teach a group of
soldiers Spanish. It did not matter to the officer that this gentleman did not
speak a word of Spanish. There was no debating about it; he would be the Spanish
teacher. My question to him was, “How did you teach a language you did not
speak, let alone had never studied?” He responded, “I kept one chapter ahead of
my students. I learned each chapter well, so I could teach it to my students. I
became so adept at it that I decided to major in it, and get a Master’s degree
in it.” As a result of a difficult situation, he became “better.” This works
every time for most of us. All we need is to be presented with a difficulty, and
have the resolve to make the best of it in a positive way. I’m not sure if
that’s a reward from God, or if it’s just a simple consequence of preparing
material to teach to others, but it works every time for me. Whether it’s a
spiritual concept, or a mathematical theorem, or an element of a foreign
language, if I share my journey with others, I am rewarded with learning it more
effectively and completely myself. Tony Robbins, who has mastered both the field
of self-development, and the ability to teach it to others, speaks of the
experiences we are most likely to learn from. We learn most effectively from
those experiences that bring us either great pain or pleasure. Somehow we are
programmed to thrive when things go from bad to worse. A brilliant line from the
movie Starman, comes to mind about human beings being at their best when things
are at their worst. As Clarissa Pinkola Estes so eloquently expresses, we were
made for this. “My friends, do not lose heart. We were made for these times.”
(See full quote on another place on this blog, as well as on my Quotation page
on my website.)
We are truly a powerhouse of energy and abilities that allow
us to manifest wherever we direct our attention. We are able to do all this
while maintaining millions of actions and reactions within and outside of our
bodies. Most of us only put this energy and these abilities to work when we are
in a crisis. And now, we find ourselves in a crisis that is larger and further
reaching than we can even conceptualize. Day after day, we watch banks and
corporations fail, businesses either forced to downsize and lay good,
hardworking people off or cease to exist, businesses and factories closing
without warning, unable to even pay severance and unused vacation leave. We
watch managers stressed to the max, worried about the laid-off workers and their
families. We watch the “credit industry” grinding to a halt, as the housing
market stalls. “Going out of business” signs go up in windows of businesses that
have been long-time institutions in the American economic scene. As we watch the
dominoes fall, one after another, we wonder what will happen next – and we are
afraid. Everything is changing. When the dominoes are done falling, the world
will be different. It is up to us to determine if it will be a friendly or a
frightening place, a “better” or a “bitter” place.. The world is changing like
it has never changed before, and it is happening VERY fast. As a nation, as
citizens of the world, we must go through a grieving process for the old
paradigm before we can get on to something new. Because everything is happening
so fast, we must get through the grieving process faster than before.
As
human beings, we must, under the present circumstances, sail quickly through the
Seven stages of Grief. We must possess, at all times, what Deepak Chopra
entitles “power, freedom, and grace.” (Read his book by the same name.) He
alerts us to the importance of time spent "in silent communion with your soul,"
always posing important questions, maintaining awareness of the moment and of
the body's wisdom, transcending fears, and most importantly paying
attention to all of this, being open to and wise about the answers that the
universe presents to us. There is no time to delay. We are now forced to get
through the stages of grief quickly. Stage 1 is “shock and denial.” We all have
watched the news in numbed disbelief, refusing to feel the pain, thinking the
next government fix will be the one that solves everything for us.. Perhaps this
stage has been happening too long. We’ve seen Suze Orman preaching to the masses
about the dangers of buying more on credit than you can afford to pay for,
financing expensive homes with “liar's loans,” living above our means with
hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, pulling equity out of our houses,
paying one credit card with another credit card, spending when we should be
saving first, looking to materialism to fill the holes in our souls, , knowing,
deep down, that the train wreck will arrive soon, but trying not to think of it.
The second stage of grief is “pain and guilt,” a feeling that we are all getting
to know too well in these times. Modern psychology tells us that the most
important thing to do is to FEEL THIS STAGE COMPLETELY – even though it feels
uncontrollably chaotic and frightening, don’t avoid it, don’t self medicate with
drugs or alcohol or other addictions. The third stage is “anger and bargaining,”
where our frustration turns to anger, where we may blame others and lash out at
them. This is when people release bottled up emotion. Modern psychology warns us
that we need to control this stage, because we may do permanent damage to our
relationships, our lives, if this gets out of control. This is the “why me?”
stage. It’s also the time when we try to do anything we can to bargain with the
powers that be, human or divine, for a way out of the despair. The fourth stage
of grief is “depression, reflection, loneliness.” During this stage the
encouragement from others doesn’t help much. It’s a stage that must be felt in
order to get through to the other side, past grief. You realize the reality of
your loss, what it means. You may be depressed, feel the need for isolation,
dwell on memories of the past. Stage five is “the upward turn” in which you
begin to feel the calm AFTER the storm. Your life becomes a little more
organized, and you begin to feel slightly better. Stage six is “reconstruction
and working through.” You see the light at the end of the tunnel, and more
importantly, you see how you can get there. You begin to be realistic, and
practical about solving your problems, and reconstructing your life. The seventh
and last stage of grief is “acceptance and hope.” Although acceptance does not
bring immediate happiness, you sense that you are finally walking out into the
light. You begin to make plans for the future. The “wrenching pain” is no longer
dominating your day, and you begin to find joy in life again.
We are all
grieving for a way of life that will not exist in the same way as it did before.
It may be different, but it does not have to strip us of the joy we find in
living. Only if we are attached to material goods will we find life truly
difficult. If we look around us for what really matters, , we will realize that
this existence is overflowing with wealth – we are surrounded by an abundance of
what we really need to make us happy – people we love and who love us, nature
(that in spite of how we have abused it provides us with so much happiness and
pleasure, ) good health(and the ability to make good choices that contribute to
even better health), intellectual challenges and learning opportunities – a
universe of possibilities to use our God-given gifts for the benefit of mankind
and all creation. It is now the time for us to turn towards co-creation. We all
possess abilities that, when offered with heart, can create a better world for
all. It is time for us to be at our best, when things are at their worst. We now
have the opportunity to redefine not only ourselves, but also our society, our
world, the very structure of our universe. It is now time for us to push past
our fears, have a little faith, throw off the superficial shell of materialism
and to really count for something, reconstructing our future, realigning our
values. Whenever fear of the unknown starts to take over, I remember a very
inspiring quote by Gary Michael Durst, from Napkin Notes on the Art of
Living. “That which you fear confronting the most should be what you
confront first! That's the area of your life that is taking away most of your
aliveness right now. The instant you push beyond the barrier, you'll notice that
whatever you were afraid of vanished, evaporated.... When you're up against a
barrier, clarity is right there on the other side. That's what comes next. The
light at the end of the tunnel is there--you just have to open your eyes. When
you confront a barrier, you'll realize it was a phantom. It was a product of
your own imagination. It will disappear in a cloud of smoke, and you'll ask
yourself, "Why was I afraid of that?"
So, I would like to invite you on this
journey with me. I will share with you what I know and what I want to learn and
assimilate, and I hope you will share the same from your experience. We can
learn from each other. We will keep “one chapter ahead,” and teach each other
what we learn. One little candle can light the darkness. We can be a whole bunch
of candles. Together, we can change consciousness. I look forward to hearing
from you. Please keep your comments, positive, uplifting, and as brief as
possible, so that I can put them on my blog. Thank you.
